The following sermon was taught on Sunday, December 14th, 2003

Bringing Up Our Children

Father God, we do praise you this morning and recognize that you are above the heavenly host. You’re above all your creation. Lord you are the Creator. We do come to bless you and to give you glory. We come to bless your name for your name is exalted, your name is holy, your name is righteous because that is who you are. And Lord we thank you. We thank you that this morning as we have sung we can know, also, in our innermost beings, in our minds and in our hearts, by faith, that you are gracious and merciful. You are great in kindness and good to all. You are righteous in all your ways. And so we bless you, Lord, and we praise your name. Father, we are so unworthy of the grace, the mercy, the love that you have bestowed upon us but yet you have. We are so unworthy to be given today and every day that you so graciously give us. So often you give us a day and we waste it, we squander it with trivial things. Our minds, our hearts are carried away by things of this world, but yet you show your faithfulness, you show your mercy by giving us a new day, that we may seek you more, that we may praise you more, that we may love and serve you more. Father, we thank you for your mercy. Thank you for your kindness. Thank you for your goodness. Thank you that your will is good, acceptable, and perfect. This morning, Father, may our worship be glorifying to you. Help us to guide our thoughts, our minds, our hearts toward you. Lead us in truth. Lead us in your paths of righteousness for your name sake, that we may be vessels, useful to you, servants to you, our Master. In Jesus’ name, amen. 

Here at Faith Bible Church we uphold and support the family. Not because it is the faddy thing, the trendy thing to do, as some do today, but because the Word of God instructs us to do so. You know that the world oftentimes thinks of the family, and particularly children, as a burden. Though you’ll hear people in the world say how they love their children, but then by their actions and their words, when they’re frustrated, they want to send them off somewhere, they let them be wards of the state and government. God says they’re not a burden. God says quite the contrary. In God’s Word we read that children are a gift and a reward from God in Psalm 127. Also in Psalm 127 it says that children are a weapon useful to defeat the enemy and to advance the kingdom of God. “Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.” God’s word says that children are a source of joy and that they are a glory and crown to their parents and to their grandparents and as the parents and grandparents get older, that they become a glory and a crown to their children.  

Not only does God’s word speak much about the blessing of children, but God’s word is also full of instruction and admonition to parents and to the church body. Oftentimes when you give a message regarding children or parents, those who do not have children, those who aren’t parents, feel they can just check out, start drawing, whatever. But God’s word is instructtion to the entire church, no matter what our role is. God’s word tells parents and tells the church to lead, to raise, and to train children to the glory of God. Ephesians 6:4, particularly addressed to fathers, says “And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Colossians 3:21 says “Fathers, do not exasperate your children, that they may not lose heart.” These are very good verses and very important verses, but the question we may ask is ‘how do we do this?’ How do we not exasperate our children that they may not lose heart? How do we bring up our children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord?  

I want to cover 2 specific things, and then I’m going to cover more in a general way. We’re not going to get into a specific ‘how to’ list, which you know I avoid like the plague, because too often, if we’re given a “to do” list of 3 things that we’re to do, we try to do them and then when something doesn’t work we say ‘well, I did everything I was supposed to do, what went wrong?’ You see, God gives us principles and commands and  things to follow, and He also gives us His Spirit to direct us in these ways so that we, as individuals in the church, can work out His truth. That’s why I avoid specific lists. 

But I want to deal more in a general way – how can we bring up our children? Though this is, primarily, going to be addressed to you dads, it applies to all of us, because those of you who aren’t dads, we need everyone here to hold us accountable to make sure we’re doing what we need to be doing.  

I want to cover 2 things in how we can bring up our children:

1)      we need to capture our children’s hearts; and

2)      we need to provide spiritual leadership in our homes 

First, we need to capture our children’s hearts. Proverbs 23:26 says ‘Give me your heart, my son, And let your eyes delight in my ways.’ Give me your heart and let your eyes delight in my ways. How can we do this – as dads, as moms, as a church family? How can we do this? I want to give you two primary things. 

First of all is prayer. I like Corrie Ten Boom’s statement on prayer. She says ‘prayer needs to be the steering wheel not the spare tire.’ It needs to be our steering wheel, not our spare tire. Too often we turn to God as a last resort – when things get bad, when everything is falling apart, then we go to God and ask Him for help. But we need to go to God before we need help. To ask Him for wisdom. To ask Him for direction. He says if we ask Him for wisdom without wavering, He will give it. Prayer needs to be our primary task. In the gospel of Matthew, chapter 19, there were people bringing children to the Lord Jesus. They were bringing the children to Him so He might lay His hands upon them and pray for them. But His disciples were trying to hinder this and stop it from happening. And Jesus turned to His disciples and said ‘let the children alone; do not hinder them from coming to me for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.’ Here we see that Jesus upheld the importance of bringing our children to Christ and we see in that context prayer. We need to be praying for our children. Before trouble happens, we need to be praying for them. As they’re in the womb we need to be praying for them. That God would raise them up to be godly men, to be godly women. Even as they’re infants, to be praying for them and for their growth – to be praying for their future, praying for their spiritual health & well-being, praying for their future families and future spouses. We need to be praying for our children.  

There’s the example of the apostle Paul praying for his spiritual children. Should we not do the same for our own children? For are they not going to be our spiritual children as they come to Christ? In Galatians 4:19 Paul says, ‘My children, with whom I am again in labor until Christ is formed in you.’ Here we see the fervency of Paul pleading for his children before the throne of grace. He never gave up on them. As he saw them wandering from truth he was still pleading for them and in labor for them. In Colossians 1:9-10 he tells the Colossian saints ‘For this reason also, since the day we heard of it, we have not ceased to pray for you and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so that you may walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, to please Him in all respects, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God.’ Is that not a good thing to be praying for our physical children and to never give up? We need to seek the Lord in prayer for our children if we’re going to capture their hearts, because saints, the Lord is ultimately the one who must capture their hearts. Our children must give their lives to the Lord Jesus Christ. And we need to pray the truth into their lives.  

The second way we can capture their hearts is through authenticity. Or in more simplistic terms – be an example worth following. We’re all examples. Every person in this church, every person on the face of the earth is an example. Whether you want to be one or not, you are an example. The question is, ‘are we an example worth following?’ Are we an example worthy of a follower of the Lord Jesus Christ? Again, the apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 11:1 says ‘Be imitators of me, just as I also am of Christ.’ Do you have the guts to go to somebody and say ‘imitate me’? You see the parents are shaking their heads because we don’t even have to say that to our kids. Our kids imitate us and they always imitate the bad things. Right? They pick those up like that! But Paul puts a disclaimer in here. He says ‘Be imitators of me, just as I also am of Christ.’ As I am a follower of Christ, as I follow Him, follow me. Now if you don’t see me following Him, don’t follow me. Don’t imitate me if I’m not imitating Christ. In Philippians 4:9 he says ‘The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things.’ Paul had the guts to tell the saints to imitate his example of following Christ. And whether we say it or not, people are going to follow our example. Whether we say it or not parents, dads – our children will follow our example. The old phrase ‘what one generation does in moderation the next generation does in excess’ we find very true with our kids. We may try to get handles on certain areas in our life, we may in moderation do things that we should not do, but then our kids are like a magnifying glass and POOF – they take it to the excess. We need to be an example worth following. We need to be the person that we want our children to be. And the question we need to ask ourselves is ‘what do our children see in our lives? What do they see in our walk, in our relationship with God?’ Do they see us living out the truth? Do they see that God has our heart? If we want to capture our children’s hearts, we really need to ask ourselves ‘does God have our heart?’ Because if God doesn’t have our heart, we can’t expect to get our kids’ hearts. Not for the Lord. Jesus gives us in very strong words in Matthew 8:15 where He says ‘This people honors Me with their lips, But their heart is far away from Me.’ Parents, we need to make sure that if we want to capture our children’s hearts that our hearts are not far from the Lord – that He has our heart and that we’re following Him.  Do we delight in His ways? Is God’s way a duty to us or is it a delight? Are we motivated by the love of Christ? Is that what compels us? Or are we trying to earn favor with God? You see if we’re trying to earn favor with God by what we do, then God’s ways are a duty. But if we are motivated by the love of Christ, knowing that He forgives us, knowing that He accepts us – not because of our work but because of His finished work – then we can delight in His ways. And that’s what our children need to see.  Do they see an external conformity to the ways of God or do they see an internal joy in doing what God says? Accepting His will that’s good, acceptable, and perfect. Not only ‘what do our children see in our relationship or walk with God’ but then let’s take it a step further: what do our children see in our relationships with our spouses, dealing with those of you who are married? Again, we need to be examples; we need to be authentic. Husbands, do our children see us loving our wives as Christ loves the church? Wives, do your children see you loving your husbands with respect, honoring them, submitting to them, to the spiritual leadership, even if they’re failing to lead? We need to be those type of examples. What do our children, and do the children in this church, see in our relationship with others? This applies to all of us – singles, married, those who have children out of the home. What do they see in our relationship with others – with other believers, with our employers, with our friends, with other family members. We need to be examples worth following. Remember this old phrase ‘you can con a con and you can fool a fool but you can’t kid a kid.’ You see if we’re not authentic, if we’re not genuine in our walk, in our relationship with God, with our spouses, with others, our children and the children in the church will see right through it. And the thing I want to stress here with authenticity is – let’s not confuse authenticity with perfection. For those of you who are perfectionists out there, when you hear the need to be authentic, to be an example worth following, we too often confuse that with ‘that means I need to be perfect. I can never make a mistake’ – and that’s where you err. Because oftentimes with that attitude, when you do make a mistake, because you will – you have, and you will continue to – but if we have this perfection mentality, this mentality of we have to be authentic – when we do stumble, when we do make a mistake, we rarely admit it, because that would mean that we’re not perfect. You see that’s where we err, because to be authentic means that we do stumble, we do sin. When we sin against our own children, that’s where we need to be authentic and we need to confess that sin before them. We need to go to them and repent. We need to seek reconciliation with our children. That requires humility, does it not, but our children need to see that if we’re going to be authentic – to ask them for forgiveness because there’ll be plenty of opportunities to do that, and if we don’t do that, we are not giving them an example worth following.  

So if we want to capture their hearts, we need to be in prayer for them and we need to be an example worth following.  

Again in more generalities, but the second way we can bring up our children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord is we need to provide spiritual leadership in the home, and this is primarily addressed to us fathers.  

You know there are two types of leadership: there’s worldly leadership and there’s godly leadership. Worldly leadership – one word that describes it is pride. Pride. Worldly leadership is where one is under their own authority, they do it their way, and not anybody else’s. The theme song is Frank Sinatra’s “I Did It My Way.” It’s full of pride. And what does God tell us? In Proverbs 16:18 He tells us “Pride goes before destruction, And a haughty spirit before stumbling.” And if we provide proud leadership in our homes, our homes eventually will be destroyed. Maybe not in our generation but in the generations to come. It can. And that’s what we have to remember, parents. We have to have a long-term vision. Because we may not see a lot of fruit in our generation but we have to be thinking of the generations to come.  

The second type of leadership – godly leadership – can be summed up in one word, and that word is humility. It’s a spiritual, servant leadership where one is submissive to a higher authority and accountable to others. They’re not out just doing it on their own, but they understand the need to be under the authority of God and of His Word, and accountable within the body of Christ. In Isaiah 66:2 God says ‘to this one I will look, To him who is humble and contrite of spirit, and who trembles at My word.’ The Lord Jesus gave us the example when He came in to the disciples, He took a towel, He took a basin of water, and He washed their feet. Here was the Master humbling himself and washing the disciples’ feet. The Master taking on servanthood. And that’s how we need to be in our leadership, is to be servants. The Apostle Peter’s admonition to the elders in the church – he says that they were not to lord it over those allotted to their charge but they were to prove to be examples to the flock. This is an admonition that we could also take as fathers. Don’t lord things over our children.  We need to be examples to our children. This is the type of leadership that we must provide for our families.  

I want to give you 4 essentials for us to lead our families: 

The first one is vision. Dads, we need to know where it is that we are going.  You know I love my dad dearly. He was a hard worker, he taught me how to work hard growing up on a farm. He put in many hours working a full time job for the county government and then coming home to maintain the farm and a hog operation. He was a hard worker. And in those things he taught us many things. But as far as direction, as far as where we were going as a family, that was absent. That was a non-Christian home; there was no structure. The phrase that sticks in my head that my dad would always say is ‘well, whatever makes you happy.’ “Hey, Dad – I’m going to go jump off the cliff….whatever makes you happy.” He wanted us to be happy. That was about the direction he would provide, other than his example of working hard. And thank God I didn’t go and jump off the cliff. Not literally, though in many other ways I did. But see, dads, we need – I believe it’s our primary task as dads – to provide vision, direction for our family. Where we’re going to go. That means values, character. Raising a godly family requires a long-term vision. And that long-term vision provides security, stability, direction, and focus. Not only for our spouses and children but also for us. We need those type of moorings. Proverbs 29:18 says “Where there is no vision, the people are unrestrained, But happy is he who keeps the law.” It’s speaking of a prophetic vision – meaning the Word of God. Here is our vision, dads. Right here. God’s given it to us. You see we don’t need to take a special course, we don’t have to go to some seminar to discover the purpose driven life. It’s right HERE! You want a vision? God’s Word is that vision. To follow Christ. We’re responsible, dads, for leading our families, and we must lead them according to the Word of God.  We’re told to ‘fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith. Paul admonishes the Colossian saints in chapter 3 verse 2 to ‘set their minds on things above, not on the things here on earth.’ You see, that’s the type of vision we provide – an other world vision; a heavenly vision; a godly vision of following Christ, and loving Him with all our hearts, minds, souls, and strengths. Where do we want to take our families? Well, where is God taking us? Conforming us into the image of Christ, and that’s the picture we need to have for our families – is that what we do will conform them into the image of Christ.  

The second thing we need to lead our families is planning. It’s great to have a vision and know where it is you want to go, but then you need to have a plan as far as how you’re going to get there. Isaiah 32:8 says “the noble man devises noble plans; And by noble plans he stands.” You see once we have the vision, once we see – and you’re not going to get that vision entirely down in one day – as we continue our walk with Christ, He’s going to reveal more and more to us. But ultimately is not our vision to glorify God? Is that not our purpose in life – to glorify God in all that we do and all that we say? But then we need to make plans, and today is the day to stop and plan the future. If we know where it is we’re going, we need to then know how it is we’re going to get there. “The plans of the diligent lead surely to advantage but everyone who is hasty comes to poverty.” You may have a great vision but if you don’t have the plans on how you’re going to get there, you’re going to come into poverty. It’s better to look ahead and prepare than to look back and regret.  

So we get the vision by looking at Christ, and then we devise the plans as to how we’re going to get there.  

And then the third element we need to lead our families – first vision, second planning – and then third, discipline.  

We plan the work and then we need to work the plan, and that takes discipline. We need to move ahead, then, with singleness of purpose. The apostle Paul admonishes his disciples in

1 Timothy 4: 7 “discipline (train) yourself for the purpose of godliness.” Discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness. Dads, we need to discipline ourselves if we’re going to lead our families. We probably think ‘first I need to discipline my children. I need to train my children.’ Yes, we do, but we need to be sure that we’re disciplining and training ourselves if we’re going to do that for our children. Again, because we need to be an example.  

To discipline means that there are things that we need to learn to do without. If there is a certain place we want to get in life, if we want to raise up our children to be followers of Christ, that means that there are sacrifices that we are going to have to make. That means that there are things that this world provides and says are essential, says are necessary, says are nice, that are going to hinder us from raising up our children in the instruction and discipline of the Lord, and we need to have the strength, the courage, the discipline, to not go after those things. Just as an Olympic athlete has one goal – to get that gold medal – it requires a serious regiment of training to reach that goal. So, too, with us – as parents, as followers of Christ, we need to train ourselves – discipline ourselves and control ourselves if we’re going to lead our families.  

I like this quote from William Gladstone: “To comprehend a man’s life, it is necessary to know not merely what he does but what he purposely leaves undone. There is a limit to work that can be got out of a human body or brain, and he is a wise man who wastes no energy on pursuits for which he is not fitted. And he is still wiser who, from among the things that he can do well, chooses and resolutely follows the best.” You see we live in an age where we think we’ve got to do everything. We have to try everything. We’ve got to experience everything. And if we have that attitude, we are not going to hit the mark in raising up our children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. We need to follow what is best, and that means laying aside things that will hinder us from doing that. We need to identify those things that we are currently doing that are hindering progress in the faith. And this is only something you can do as a family. As a leader of your family, you need to get before the Lord and ask the Lord to reveal to you ‘what is it that we are doing that may be hindering us from following Christ and loving you, God, with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength?’ And as He reveals those things to us, then by the grace He provides, have the courage to put those things aside and follow Him.  

Now when I say discipline, it also means not only training and disciplining ourselves, but it also means training, teaching our children what is right and wrong. And this is why we need to have vision. We need to have plans. We need to know what’s right or wrong. We need to have family rules, family principles that we adhere to. I raising my kids, and many times, you know, when one of my kids would say ‘well why do we do that?’ I’d say well, 1) because God’s Word says it, and then there are things that we’ve established as family practices that aren’t necessarily in the Word of God but it’s just a family practice that we’ve established. I’d simply tell them ‘because that’s what the Longs do.’ Others may, we may not. I don’t care what other people are doing. That’s not what we’re going to do. They have the freedom to do it but we’re not going to do it. And it’s done in an atmosphere of love. It’s done in an atmosphere of seeking after the Lord and the well being of our children. Every family’s going to have different things. What we do as a family doesn’t necessarily mean that everybody else has to do it.  

One thing we started many years ago – Saturday evenings. You know Saturday evenings used to be one of the most free nights and you’d go to parties, birthdays, events and the whole bit. We decided 3, 4 years ago we’re not going to do that. Because what ends up happening? Sunday morning you’re sleeping in the pew. And we want to give the Lord our best, and so we decided, years back, that on Saturday evenings we’re going to start drawing everything to a close around 5 o’clock. We’re not going to events, we’re not going to parties. If somebody in the church is having a function that night, we’re not going. And people know that, so we don’t get invited any more. And that’s fine. You know unless it’s an emergency or a rare occasion do we break away from that. That way we can be rested Saturday night and Sunday morning, and give the Lord our best. But that’s just what we do as a family. Can I give you a Scripture for that? No. Am I laying that down as a law? No. Every family needs to decide what they’re going to do. Now there are other things that we have no choice over: telling the truth, being honest, loving God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength. These are things that we all need to be doing, and we need to train our children to do that because that is what followers of Christ do. “Well Dad…what about this person over here? They’re going to these movies that are full of garbage.” Well, that’s not what a follower of Christ does. And if that person says that they’re following Christ but they’re filling their minds with garbage, we have to question whether they really are a follower of Christ. I’m not afraid to do that. I know that’s not Christian politically correct to question other people’s walk with God, but if they’re doing worldly things and following after the world, I have a responsibility, especially as a dad, to question that, and to teach my children discernment. Jesus said you will know them by their fruit, not by their words, but by their fruit.  

Warren Weirsbe says ‘the Christian witness is always one generation away from extinction.’ If we fail to train our children for Christ we forfeit the future. We have a mighty task before us. We need to have vision, we need to plan, and we need to have discipline and train. 

And lastly, if we’re going to provide leadership for our families, we need to have perseverance. We need to keep on keeping on.  

You know the Christian life is about growth as we follow Christ, He’s going to grow us and growth requires perseverance. I’ve seen too many examples in my brief life and in my brief time of following the Lord, and I know, but by the grace of God, I could do the same. But I’ve seen too many examples of people I know that started out the gates very strong following Christ and now they’re just on the bench. They had great goals, they had great plans in raising their family and raising their kids, and now they’re no different than the world. Now I realize we all have a battle against the world and the world’s going to creep in to all of our families in various ways. But see, the only thing that I can point to in these dear friends who have now just kind of gone by the wayside, is they gave up. ,What does the Lord tell us, many, many times throughout the New Testament. “He who perseveres to the end will be saved.” If we’re living for God, if we have a godly vision for our family, saints, it’s not going to come easy. We will be tested, because the enemy does not want us to reach those goals. And he will do whatever he can and by God’s providence what God allows to happen. Let’s not prove God’s grace in vain but accept His grace and persevere through those difficult times. Because no matter what plans you make for your family, no matter what goals you have in life, they will be tested. And what you thought was the course you would take will probably change. There will be detour signs along the way. Things will come into your life that you did not plan for. You did not expect. You never even thought about. But God, by His gracious providence, His goodness, He allowed them to come into your life. Why? So that you could be conformed more into the image of Christ. Persevere, knowing His grace and His strength, that when you’re weak, He is strong.  

We need to have a commitment to the long haul, even when we don’t see fruit bearing itself in our children’s lives, spouse’s lives, the church’s life. We need to have a commitment to the long haul. Because God’s ways are sure. His Word is sure. It will accomplish what it was set out to do. And so if our vision is a godly, Biblical vision, we can be confident that it will bear fruit. Again it may not be in our generation but it may come in the generation to come, and we can’t give up. We must persevere to the end. As the apostle Paul admonished the saints in Corinth, he said ‘therefore my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immoveable, always abounding in the works of the Lord, knowing that your toil is not in vain in the Lord.’  

Raising our children, raising our families, raising this church for the glory of God, is not in vain. It’s a work of God that we must persevere in for His glory. We need each other to live the life that God has called us to live. We need to help one another to be diligent. We need to serve one another in raising our children and training our children and being an example to the children here and to one another. And may God be glorified not only in and through the families here but by the church family as a whole here at Faith Bible Church. Let’s pray. 

Father God, it’s comforting to know that, as you called us and saved us, sanctified us, you also did not leave us alone to figure it out. But you’ve given of yourself to us through your Holy Spirit to lead us and to guide us in the truth. And Lord we thank you for your word. It instructs us. And Lord I thank you for your body – the body of Jesus Christ, the family of God, this church body. I thank you for everyone here. And may we be an encouragement, an example to one another. No matter what our stage in life is, we need one another to follow you. Lord help us to be the people that you want us to be. I pray specifically for the families here and for the fathers – that you would help them to be the spiritual leaders that you want them to be. May they not be overwhelmed by the task, Lord, but may they rest in your grace, in your strength that you provide. That your work may be done, your way, for your glory. Amen.

By God's Grace ~ Through God's Word ~ For God's Glory!

Chuck Long

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